it's breaths away from 3:30AM and i'm the baby to an androgynous lullaby that seems to be a note off (can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep). my hair's a wreck, a tangle of waves and blood and the cramped shower we shared two days ago. i'm being serenaded through song lyrics through text messages while i take pictures of my eyes as they get bigger smaller bigger smaller bigger smaller. i'm hearing noises that aren't there to the right and tasting nostalgia to the left. will i wake up at ten tomorrow? who knows. will i be a zombie? who knows.

i want to borrow my mom's skirt. i want to go for a walk. i need a cigarette. i'm sick of estrogen. this past month has been a blur of birth control tylenol and plan b pills. little white pills, poppoppop.

i will get my computer fixed. i will buy a new charger. new laptop? i will redo this website and get some new pictures up.

aren't you proud? we're right back where we started. drifting and floating and fading away. dying to be, right?